Some years ago I was conducting a workshop in a small NC coastal town. For lunch we (the class and I) drove to a well-known restaurant in the area. It was located on the waterfront and afforded an excellent view of the Cape Fear River, a couple of lighthouses and the ever-present seagoing traffic.

The food was very good and I have enjoyed eating there several times over the years.

Now, let me tell you how I like my beef cooked. I don’t really care for it rare, although I can eat it that way. And, well-done (to me) usually means cooked until it is dry and tough. I am more of a “medium to medium-well done” man. If you know what that means. No matter – except it is central to this experience. I also like my food prepared at the time I order it in a restaurant – no leftover, re-heated rations for me! (But then, does anyone ever know the history of anything served at a restaurant?) This was on a Monday, following a holiday of some sort, and as we entered the restaurant we saw a sign advertising a special on hamburger steaks. Now, traveling on State budget does not afford a lot of luxuries, and a hamburger steak special sounded like a good deal to me. And, I happen to like hamburger steak to boot. But, I want it prepared from freshly ground meat and dropped on a hot frying pan or griddle right after I order it. Immediately I began to fantasize about my forthcoming meal – aged beef still sizzling as it is served, with a side of hot baked potato dripping in melted butter and sour cream, hot homemade yeast roles, and a crisp lettuce, tomato and cucumber salad. Oh, yeah!

We took our seats and in a few minutes our waitress appeared and recited the menu. I asked about the hamburger steak special. She said, “Yes, we have that, but you can only have it well-done.”

Now that, to me, was a rather strange statement. Why did she say it was only available “well-done?”

Being naturally curious, I thought I should investigate that statement a little further. In retrospect, I should have just let it pass.

Says I, “Why can one only get it well-done? Some kind of Health Dept. ruling to protect the public against e-coli or some other disease causing intestinal distress?”

“Nothing like that,” she responded, avoiding my eyes and quickly re-directed her attention to others at our table.

I’m still sitting there pondering her terse response and obvious attempt at discouraging further inquiry into the matter. All the while she is working her way around the table taking orders – ignoring me in the process. Something just did not sound right.

(Now, keep in mind that I like my meat medium to medium-well.) I still did not feel comfortable with her response, so I decided to try my luck, again. By now she was back to me for my order. “I’ll have a hamburger steak, medium-well,” I said. As she wrote it down she said, “Yes sir, but that will be at the regular price – not the special price.”

(“Hey! Whoa! What tha-,” I’m thinking.) “What do you mean?” I asked, trying to contain my astonishment at this revelation. “A ‘hamburger steak special’ is a hamburger steak, isn’t it?”

“It is, and it ain’t,” she responded, a little more forcefully, and with a degree of agitation probably reserved for customers like me. “It is if it’s the ‘special’, and it ain’t if it’s off the regular menu. Yours is off the regular menu.”

By now all conversation at our table (and, the one next to us) had ceased and everyone seemed to be enjoying this exchange of one-upmanship. I, on the other hand, wasn’t so sure that I was getting anywhere with her. Something told me there was no way I was going to win this one. But, I persisted.

Don’t know where my next question came from, or why I asked, but I did, “When was this ‘special hamburger steak’ cooked?”

Well, I could hardly believe her response. It was short and to the point, “Yesterday.”

So, the way I figure it, the “special” hamburger steaks were only partially cook yesterday in anticipation of quantity sales today; or they were cooked yesterday for sale yesterday and, for some reason, not sold yesterday and they were trying to get rid of them today – therefore, the well-done “special.”

Whatever!

By this time I had really worked up an appetite and, if you recall, I said I am a very curious person. I ordered the special (just to see what it was like, I think). Funny – I don’t recall if I enjoyed it, or not.